Oare??ti-ai pierdut incredrea in oameni,pentru ca te-au parasit cei care ar fi trebuit sa te iubeasca cel mai mult??Oare refuzi sa cunosti cu adevarat pe cineva pe care il iubesti cu adevarat, refuzi sa cunosti in profunzime, pentru ca te temi??de fapt vrei sa lasi lucrurile perfecte!!! idealist si obsedat de perfectiune, iti este frica sa nu te dezamageasca sau sa nu ii dezamagesti si atunci sa plece si mai apoi sa te dezamageasca, asa ca anticipativ manipulezi situatiile si lucrurile astfel in cat sa plece ei, si crezi ca ai anticipat, ca ai stiut dinainte situatiile??cand in realitate tu le produci,TE SABOTEZI SINGUR.
Nu iti permiti sa dezamagesti, ti-ar scadea stima de sine, si aroganta este o foita atat de subtire in care iti invelesti sufletul ranit,absolvit de afectiunea de care aveai atata nevoie,tu ai atras atentia!!! in felul tau dar nu te-ai facut inteles!!! si ai fugit in lumea ta!!! in cartile, filmele tale,unde oricand puteai sa iti oferi ce vrei cand vrei, ceea ce aveai nevoie si ai ales sa taci!!!
De ce nu imi dai din dragostea ta???
de ce nu imparti sentimentele care le nutresti pentru mine cu mine???
nu merit?? de ce nu imi scrii nici o poezie???stim amandoi ca poti?? de ce nu imi canti???
de ce nu imi dai???? de ce le tii doar pentru tine, de ce le tii in tine????de ce te minti???? de ce omiti??? te faci ca nu vezi????stim amandoi ce ascutita e privirea ta si amandoi stim cat de bine reusesti sa te faci inteles daca iti doresti, esti conditionat???and always doing what you're told!!!
Can i ask you somethings????
What do you want ??????
what do you need????
what do you feel????
why do you do all this things???why are you doing all this to you????
07/01/2011
good will hunting
Did you saw the movie??nice
My dear i realized that as much you want you 'll never have that brain..you think it' ll complete you. You!!!
suffer for so many complexes.I don't know if I speak right now with me....wich meens i tell all this to myself,or was a insight about you..a intuitive revelation.
Sometimes I realize my own potential, but often I don't ..and all my self- confidence is weak, but when I look around and I see all those PEOPLE who respect me, admire me, love me, recognize me and that makes me wonder..so probably they might be right!!!
THE WORST ENEMY...is ME.
Honey you said that you fall in love of ....your job,....THERE is something else about ? that you ever fall in love??
Did you realize something???when you are doing your job down there?Are you happy?? does it worth??
In the summer 14/08/2010 I had the chance to do my job for at least 12 hourse on and on,and inside that room, I realized that it isn't worth!!! I screamed inside.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, IS NOT FAIR!!! THIS IS NOT LIFE!!! and I start crying, this is a nightmare,ok this reality, but still Ican change things, I don't want to have such a ..life.
After this, so many questions arise in my head...couldn't sleep, couldn't eat,could't read, couldn't do anything couldn't listening any music,because there was so much noise inside my head...I stoped...many days I lied..in my bad...with my phones off, in my dark room, under my quilt.
I'm sorry that i scared people that realy carres about me, it wasn't my intention,.
It wasn't the firsth time when i've done my job for more then 12 hourse on and on, but there was something different, and that different thing...was you.
You Know ...I don't know what I want..I'm preaty scared..and many times I ask God's help:so help me God!!
There is any reason that make me want be alive, any!!!! Everything colaps all around me, I saw me alone....and fight for what????for who???? because all I can see is..no one, and all I can hear is that offal noise inside my head,and what should i do????...and what about my feelings???NO ONE CARRES down here!! and all this made me hate all of you, because you didn't carre about my feeling.
Everythings that you were able to say..is about the right things to do, the right things to tell, the right things to act, to speak, to feel!!!....the conclusion was...i'm not "RIGHT"...inside of child brain meens I'm bad!! I dissapointed everybody.
It realy hurts me when You told me that..... that you are dissapointed and I behave like a child...so you want to hear no more, and you'll gone hang up....
I could't stop blame be!!! I'm bad and I hurt people that I love, the reason that I don't recive any love is because that t don't deserv it!!! I'm bad girl!!! So all my suffering..was because of me, I do not have any reason to hate someone, because is was all my fault.
My dear i realized that as much you want you 'll never have that brain..you think it' ll complete you. You!!!
suffer for so many complexes.I don't know if I speak right now with me....wich meens i tell all this to myself,or was a insight about you..a intuitive revelation.
Sometimes I realize my own potential, but often I don't ..and all my self- confidence is weak, but when I look around and I see all those PEOPLE who respect me, admire me, love me, recognize me and that makes me wonder..so probably they might be right!!!
THE WORST ENEMY...is ME.
Honey you said that you fall in love of ....your job,....THERE is something else about ? that you ever fall in love??
Did you realize something???when you are doing your job down there?Are you happy?? does it worth??
In the summer 14/08/2010 I had the chance to do my job for at least 12 hourse on and on,and inside that room, I realized that it isn't worth!!! I screamed inside.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, IS NOT FAIR!!! THIS IS NOT LIFE!!! and I start crying, this is a nightmare,ok this reality, but still Ican change things, I don't want to have such a ..life.
After this, so many questions arise in my head...couldn't sleep, couldn't eat,could't read, couldn't do anything couldn't listening any music,because there was so much noise inside my head...I stoped...many days I lied..in my bad...with my phones off, in my dark room, under my quilt.
I'm sorry that i scared people that realy carres about me, it wasn't my intention,.
It wasn't the firsth time when i've done my job for more then 12 hourse on and on, but there was something different, and that different thing...was you.
You Know ...I don't know what I want..I'm preaty scared..and many times I ask God's help:so help me God!!
There is any reason that make me want be alive, any!!!! Everything colaps all around me, I saw me alone....and fight for what????for who???? because all I can see is..no one, and all I can hear is that offal noise inside my head,and what should i do????...and what about my feelings???NO ONE CARRES down here!! and all this made me hate all of you, because you didn't carre about my feeling.
Everythings that you were able to say..is about the right things to do, the right things to tell, the right things to act, to speak, to feel!!!....the conclusion was...i'm not "RIGHT"...inside of child brain meens I'm bad!! I dissapointed everybody.
It realy hurts me when You told me that..... that you are dissapointed and I behave like a child...so you want to hear no more, and you'll gone hang up....
I could't stop blame be!!! I'm bad and I hurt people that I love, the reason that I don't recive any love is because that t don't deserv it!!! I'm bad girl!!! So all my suffering..was because of me, I do not have any reason to hate someone, because is was all my fault.
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