.....deep kisses...

I loved you when you opened
Like a lily to the heat.
I´m just another snowman
Standing in the rain and sleet,
Who loved you with his frozen love
His second-hand physique -
With all he is, and all he was...

Hey you!!!

Where you go..there you are!!!
Running isn't the answer!
Hey!!! You need to confront all your problems and try to handel them... those that you're not able to accept or to resolve
Is quite hard and if sometimes you belive that you're in control..you're not!!!! Not all the time!!
We have our weak moments and in that moments you lose control..
But!! You know what!!! Is OK!! That's all right!! You don't
have to blame yourself..because of that!!!
Hey!!! We are human!! We are not God!!!
All of us have that dark side..of the moon and that's ok!!!
I love you with all the sides...
I do understand you!!!
I know that you suffered so much,I know that keeping all inside is hurting and it wasn't easy at all...
....I'll start a new life...I will leave contry..I'll let everything behind..
I'm scared!!

If you fail to plan,then you plan to fail!!

Deadline on 4/03/2011- one ticket - only one way!!!

Cifre

273 kg,voi incepe numaratoarea inversa,sa ma intreb oare daca "am fost invins sau plec sa nu fiu invins?"
Nici una,nici alta,a merge inainte inseamna evolutie.
Stagnarea nu face bine pentru mult timp.
Lipsa proiectelor,te face vecina cu depresia.
Imi voi da Voie sa fiu fericita!!!


Merit!!!chiar merit!!!! Si tu meriti!!

...life is wonderful..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8wILgjsFqY

deadline

I do have a deadline 1/03/2011

news

..in data de 28/02/2011 totul va deveni oficial..
Imi dau voie sa fiu fericita, imi dau voie sa ma maturizez...

oare?

...exact acum 12 ani...incepea ce s-a sfarsit azi..

....hello...

ce faci?cum te simti??
ma simt linistita, deocamdata, usurata....ma simt fericita..si intinda mana la cer....imi dau voie, sa fiu fericita, imi dau voie sa alerg, imi dau voie sa incerc, sa gresesc, sa traiesc, sa ma simt vie..imi dau voie sa imi gasesc calea, si sa imi fiu stapana...
Doamne! faca-se voia ta!!! ma las in mana Ta!!

..uneori..

..trebuie sa pleci...si sa nu te mai uiti inapoi...never look back....asta va incetini  mersul..tau....va scadea din puterea initiatica, va ...apleca...

moments

sitting on the moon

...suflete pereche/suflete surori....hei...a fi pereche oare inseamna a se completa 50%  sau 51%??? tot timpul am incercat sa dau o explicatie matematica trairilor, sentimentelor si uite asa s-a risipit vraja, momentul zburand si trairea risipita si dezlanata in labirintul ratiunii...in care am inceput sa ma indoiesc
oare nu am plans suficient, si se ivesc situatii care te pot face sa plangi ....dar nu intr-atat de mult, dar se adauga bagajul retrospectiv si oare nu mi-a fost dor suficient???..am obosit sa imi fie dor...
melancolia....este un fel de tristete din punctul unora de vedere, am trait alaturi de ea atat de mult timp, incat ma identific cu ea, oare as putea fi si altfel??si daca da, cat timp mi-ar trebui sa pot sa uit melancolia...natura mea.....
ma simt "goala"....ciudat..cum ai putea reda acest sentiment ...cum ai putea sa il surprinzi???intr-un om? intr-o casa? intr-un caine???intr-o padure???...ma pierd in golurile altora...cautand sa ma regasesc...
atunci cand te indragostesti..nu iti mai apartii...si te simti gol,
Hei!!!C..ai tot dreptul sa simti, sa explodezi...da-ti voie, si da-ti frau trairilor...de ce te temi???pana la urma totul este efemer in viata...oricat de mult ti-ai dori sa dureze  sa ai siguranta...nici macar tu nu stii daca vei apuca ziua de maine, asa....de ce gresesti mereu in aceelasi fel...traind anticipat momentul melancoliei, dorului??il chemi??? traindu-l..hei stii energia cuantica...ai o latura maturizata in partea emotionala din tine, si aceea este melancolia.
hai sa maturizam, optimismul, speranta, libertatea, bucuria, iubirea....si atat..maine ...va fii sau nu....asa ca...traieste cu bucurie ce anume ti s-a dat....INTAMPLATOR,si zambeste cerului si zambeste-ti TIE!!!!
Va fi bine in final!!!! ..te iubesc!

...cine stie...

Exact cand te astepti mai putin,se intampla ceva,care schimba complet cursul vietii,si atunci cand inchizi o usa,constient si pui punct,impacat cu universul,atunci se deschide o alta usa,un alt drum,o alta varianta,o alta perspectiva.
Mai bine sa te straduiesti sa lasi trecutul,decat sa te agati de el,o data eliberata de trecutul..consumat...esti prezent,te simti viu,si parca te trezesti!!! Totul este tranzitor pe lumea aceasta! Atunci cand esti prezent,nu ancorat in trecut sau supralicitand in viitor-o iuluzie----abia acum in prezent vezi usile deschise,nimic nu e intamplator,totul este cu un scop,oare cu ce scop mi s-a deschis o usa,ce pare sa schiteze ..o priveliste care ma ademeneste...ma las in mana Ta Doamne!!

Up in to the air

Ryan Bingham: I thought I was a part of your life.
Alex Goran: I thought we signed up for the same thing... I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis.
Ryan Bingham: I'm a parenthesis?

Intrebari

Oare??ti-ai pierdut incredrea in oameni,pentru ca te-au parasit cei care ar fi trebuit sa te iubeasca cel mai mult??Oare refuzi sa cunosti cu adevarat pe cineva  pe care il iubesti cu adevarat, refuzi sa cunosti in profunzime, pentru ca te temi??de fapt vrei sa lasi lucrurile perfecte!!! idealist si obsedat de perfectiune, iti este frica sa nu te dezamageasca sau sa nu ii dezamagesti si atunci sa plece si mai apoi sa te dezamageasca, asa ca anticipativ manipulezi situatiile si lucrurile astfel in cat sa plece ei, si crezi ca ai anticipat, ca ai stiut dinainte situatiile??cand in realitate tu le produci,TE SABOTEZI SINGUR.
Nu iti permiti sa dezamagesti, ti-ar scadea stima de sine, si aroganta este o foita atat de subtire  in care iti invelesti sufletul ranit,absolvit de afectiunea de care aveai atata nevoie,tu ai atras atentia!!! in felul tau dar nu te-ai facut inteles!!! si ai fugit in lumea ta!!! in cartile, filmele tale,unde oricand puteai sa iti oferi ce vrei cand vrei, ceea ce aveai nevoie si ai ales sa taci!!!
De ce nu imi dai din dragostea ta???
de ce nu imparti sentimentele care le nutresti pentru mine cu mine???
nu merit?? de ce nu imi scrii nici o poezie???stim amandoi ca poti?? de ce nu imi canti???
de ce nu imi dai???? de ce le tii doar pentru tine, de ce le tii in tine????de ce te minti???? de ce omiti??? te faci ca nu vezi????stim amandoi ce ascutita e privirea ta si amandoi stim cat de bine reusesti sa te faci inteles daca iti doresti, esti conditionat???and always doing what you're told!!!
Can i ask you somethings????
What do you want ??????
what do you need????
what do you feel????
why do you do all this things???why are you doing all this to you????

good will hunting

Did you saw the movie??nice
My dear i realized that as much you want you 'll never have that  brain..you think it' ll complete you. You!!!
suffer for so many complexes.I don't know if I speak right now with me....wich meens i tell all this to myself,or was a insight about you..a intuitive revelation.
Sometimes I realize my own potential, but often I don't ..and all my self- confidence is weak, but when I look around and I see all those PEOPLE who respect me, admire me, love me, recognize me  and that makes me wonder..so probably they might  be right!!!
THE WORST ENEMY...is ME.
Honey you said that you fall in love of ....your job,....THERE is something else about ? that you ever fall in love??
Did you realize something???when you are doing your job down there?Are you happy?? does it worth??
In the summer 14/08/2010 I had the chance to do my job for at least 12 hourse on and on,and inside that room, I realized that it isn't worth!!! I screamed inside.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, IS NOT FAIR!!! THIS IS NOT LIFE!!! and I start crying, this is a nightmare,ok this reality, but still Ican change things, I don't want to have such a ..life.
After this, so many questions arise in my head...couldn't sleep, couldn't eat,could't read, couldn't do anything couldn't listening any music,because there was so much noise inside my head...I stoped...many days I lied..in my bad...with my phones off, in my dark room, under my quilt.
I'm sorry that i scared people that realy carres about me, it wasn't my intention,.
It wasn't the firsth time when i've done my job for more then 12 hourse on and on, but there was something different, and that different thing...was you.
You Know ...I don't know what I want..I'm preaty scared..and  many times I ask God's help:so help me God!!
There is any reason that make me want be alive, any!!!! Everything colaps all around me, I saw me alone....and fight for what????for who???? because all I  can see is..no one, and all I can hear is that offal noise inside my head,and what should i do????...and what about my feelings???NO ONE CARRES down here!! and all this made me hate all of you, because you didn't carre about my feeling.
Everythings that you were able to say..is about the right things to do, the right things to tell, the right things to act, to speak, to feel!!!....the conclusion was...i'm not "RIGHT"...inside of child brain meens I'm bad!!  I dissapointed everybody.
It realy hurts  me when You told me that..... that you are dissapointed and I behave like a child...so you  want to hear no more, and you'll gone hang up....
I could't stop blame be!!! I'm bad and I hurt people that I love, the reason that I don't recive any love is because that t don't deserv it!!! I'm bad girl!!! So all my suffering..was because of me, I do not have any reason to hate someone, because is was all my fault.

Blood like lemonade

Healing holy man, once upon a time
Heal it for his wife up until the crime

Hunting high and low to seek revenge
Brand new moral code, got made reluctant renegade
...Leaving empty souls when he avenged
Evil spirits flowed he drank the blood like lemonade

Morcheeba lyrics

Furia - frica

Furia si frica merg mana in mana,in spatele unei furii aparente,se afla o teama.

At least 500 times

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2SAR7N6m_0

 Cred ca am ascultat melodia asta in octombrie-noiembrie 2009,de cel putin 500 ori pe zi,recunosc fac asociatie cu 1 octombrie 2009,dar tot simt sa o mai ascult on and on and on.....probabil imi placea trairea de atunci...cand renunti la tot si la toate...este un sentiment de libertate.
Acum realizez ca sunt intr-o ipostaza asemanatoare,cu padre,unul intr-o camera,altul in alta,stam....asteptam ceva....nu stiu ce...
Atunci pulsiunea mortii cerea indirect pentru contracarare pulsiunea vietii...iar acum.... ???!!???Pentru cei ce traiesc in vecinatatea mortii..a pulsiunii mortii pentru a merge mai departe au nevoie de reversul ei, care este data de pulsiunea vietii- iubirea care poate fii tandra sau erotica.
Daca nu ai fi aparut tu..riscam sa cad intr-o psihoza, si ajungeam la nr 9, dar asa am picat un depresie, ceea ce bine, e tratabila sau mai bine zis discutabila.
Cand ai plecat..mi-ai luat motivatia de a trai...tu erai pulsiunea vietii, daca nu mai erai, ramaneam cu ce stiam anterior pulsiunea mortii si ma duceam cu ea..ma duceam la ea, la mama mea.
Am tot cautat motive sa traiesc si nu gaseam, nu le vedeam, nu intelegeam sensul enumerarilor,pentru mine isi pierdusera valoarea.

It takes a thought to make a word, and some words to make an action

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying
...
It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction